


like a river flows

by saile (Kokicni)



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil, svtfoe - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Faking It - Freeform, Funeral, Grief, Illness, In Love, Loss, Love, Marriage, Progression of love, Spouse Death, Wedding Rings, letter format, letterfic, marco loses star, not a songfic, secret illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2020-01-15 20:51:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18506854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokicni/pseuds/saile
Summary: "and one day you just disappeared. Like that. Faster than i could beg you to stay, you were gone. The moment I blinked, the love of my life had disappeared right before me. You slipped away, and I couldn't do anything about it."from the letters of marco diaz to star butterflylowercase intended





	1. strangers on the street

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fieke (PokePotato)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Fieke+%28PokePotato%29).



It was a cold April afternoon when I met her. 

We were standing at a bus station in New York. The look on her pale face is something I still remember so vividly, even to this day. While all the other faces in this giant city were frozen in the same bored, angry, and annoyed expression, she was the only one who seemed to smile. And that smile is what caught me. It caught me so off guard. Out of all the faces I saw, the eyes I met, and the people I saw, she was the most vibrant out of all of them. In an ocean of people, she'd be the first one anyone would notice. You know, she never minded that- not once. And maybe that's why I fell so madly in love with her. Maybe it was her boldness. Maybe it was that god dreamy smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts. Or maybe it was the way she held my hand through it all, even though we both very well knew she was the braver one out of two of us. Whatever it was, she reeled me faster than a fish on hook. and she knew that darn well.


	2. slow motion

Dear Star,  
in the spring is when I began to realize I was falling for you. Did you know that? Of course you did. You knew full and well that I was head over heels for you since day one- I was the only one who had no idea. I was always like that. I was so incredibly oblivious to everything. You liked to tease me about that, remember? I do. I remember that one day you came up to my door in that cute hoodie I bought you and asked if I wanted to "hang out." I was so oblivious, I thought you meant you wanted to actually hang out like how we usually did. And that's the story of how we had our first date at my place, calling in sick to places we never worked at, while I wore pajamas and you wore the prettiest black dress I'd ever seen. You didn't mind it, though. You always teased me about it after that day. I never minded that, either. I didn't mind any of it, actually. The goofy jokes between us, the stories, the rants, the vents, the honesty- None of it. I never minded any of it. And I definitely never minded the moment we went on our first actual proper date. I remember standing at that fountain at night under that beautiful ocean of stars, standing right beside you. I remember how we watched as people rushed by, but you and I- We never rushed our lives. We stood where we were and took it all in. I like to think of it as the world around us was not always in fast motion, but rather, every moment with you felt like life was in slow-motion, and it was just us. It was just us in this slow-motion universe. And I loved every minute of it. I loved every moment we spent together that spring. From skipping rocks on the lake, to sitting in the café rambling about nonsense. Every waking day of that spring was a new adventure with you, and I loved every bit of it.

Your love,   
Marco Diaz


	3. fourth of july

Dear Star,  
do you remember the summer? what an odd question. how could you forget? that's when we made it official. it was the Fourth of July.   
Something about standing on that bridge with you while watching fireworks had me weak at the knees. If I could go back to that time.. Everything about it all was just so ethereal. Seeing you smile and shout enthusiastically over those fireworks, I started to have my own firework show in my stomach. Okay, I should've phrased that differently. hah. You get my point. You set my heart alight and I would not have changed that for the world. When I asked you that question, it was just an in the moment thing. I didn't have any other thoughts or things to say, I just- I wanted to be with you and only you. The time we spent together made me realize that. Seeing you freeze and stare at me with those big blue eyes under the magenta and neon flashing lights, I cannot express to you how happy I felt when you grinned, like the huge dork you are, and said yes. I'm so glad you did. Thank you for that. Your smiles could cure any sadness. I wish you were here to give me that smile again.. maybe it'd fix me up.   
After all, you always were better than anyone else at making me happy. 

i hope i could make you smile,  
Marco Diaz


	4. falling in love with you

Dear Star,  
Fall. Do you remember that, as well? I sure hope. I am sorry for all the arguing we did. I wish I could knock some common sense into myself. But just because we argued, I promise, that did not change the fact I was falling for you faster than anything in the world. In our slow-motion universe, the fastest movements were always my heart and the way I fell for you.   
I was glad to introduce you to my parents, Star. They liked you, you know. A lot. Of course, I did too. Who didn't like you? you were like sunshine on a rainy day. Something about that just makes me smile. I recall the time when we spent Thanksgiving together in Pennsylvania and we went to that silly country restaurant because the turkey wouldn't cook properly. when we left, it was raining like crazy outside. I can still remember the way you took my hand and we both threw our jackets over our head and ran out into the rain. That didn't really do anything, though, because we forgot where we parked the car. That was a fun time finding it. I didn't mind it though. I remember how the cold rain on my skin felt nice, given the fact my heart was burning and melting over you like lava.   
But I do also remember that giant argument over why you were beginning to distance yourself more. I still don't understand why you'd want you distance yourself when you could've told me and I'd have been there. I would've been there if I knew, Star. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me to be. I know you didn't want me to be there, but I wish I was. I wish you would've let me be there for you, Star. 

But I'm here now and I'll never let you go.  
I promise.

Marco Diaz.


	5. the stirring

dear star,  
in the winter, i realized you were trying to leave. i know you didn't want to, but you felt like you should. I wish that you didn't. I was supposed to be there for you, and you didn't let me. That smile I loved showed up less and less. I miss that smile. I miss you, Star. I miss how while we put up the Christmas decor in our apartment, you wanted to blast Christmas music. I was always into Christmas, so it surprised me to see someone more enthusiastic about it than I. That smile, though. It didn't feel real. It didn't feel genuine. I was so busy worrying about you, maybe that's why you beat my Christmas enthusiasm.   
I was never more worried about you, though, until New Year's Eve. Do you remember that one or should I tell the story? I'll give you time to think about that one, Star. I know it was something you wish you never knew. Sometimes I wish I never knew either. Maybe life just didn't want us to live happy and naïve forever.   
I know we deserved better. You did, rather. 

I am sorry,  
Marco Diaz


	6. the blizzard

dear star,  
do you remember how it went? why do I bother asking, of course you do. You were in the kitchen making strawberry shortcakes for the New Years party we were having. I heard the thud from in the living room and I panicked. When I entered the kitchen you were lying on the floor unconscious. I was so scared seeing you like that. But my fear will never compare to how utterly terrified you were when you woke up in that hospital room and realized I was waiting for you. "No, I don't want him here, get him out of here." I remember you saying. They told you to calm down. I wish you were someone who listened. I can't ever explain to you how much I wanted to cry seeing you in that hospital bed. "It's just me." I told you. "Please get out, please get out." You didn't stop saying that until they actually made me leave to get you to calm you down. I didn't understand why at first, and I wish I did. I remember I felt so angry at you for not letting me be there. But mostly, I was scared. I was worried about you. Did you know that your parents were waiting outside after I had my chance to visit you? They told me everything, Star. From the random passing out, to the weakening of your limbs. "Why didn't you tell me?" I remember thinking. I beat myself up over it thinking I'd done something to hurt you. To make you not want to share your life with me anymore. I was worried you didn't love me. That was before I knew. I wish you let me be there for you, Star. 

Maybe I could've said goodbye.

Marco Diaz.


	7. slipped away

dear star,  
the new year was not fun. I do not blame you for this, though. It's just that my idea of a good time does not consist of having my girlfriend taken from me so fast. It's just the fact that I loved you and one day you just disappeared. Like that. Faster than i could beg you to stay, you were gone. The moment I blinked, the love of my life had disappeared right before me. You slipped away, and I couldn't do anything about it.  
they told me how you were distancing yourself from me because you didn't want me to be hurt when I found out. But that only deepened the impact of the news I received. I wish you would've told me you were ill. I wish I could've been there for you instead of arguing with you wondering why you weren't telling me things and I wish I could've been there for you instead of sitting outside that hospital all night in my car, waiting to hear that you'd finally be allowed to leave. you didn't want me to be hurt, so you tried to push me away. That didn't work. You should've known that it would never work. When I got that call, I was so scared that they would say what I thought they would, rather than what I wanted them to. And the truth is, when you guess something right, it isn't always going to be exciting. The moment I found out, I ran into that hospital looking for you and your parents. I was hoping they'd tell me it was all just a prank and you were okay and just wanted to see if I was a crybaby or not. I wish that were the case. And if you wanted to know, I was a giant crybaby. I didn't want to lose you that way. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I think you knew that when spring rolled around. And I think you wanted to do the same. I would've liked that.

marco diaz.


	8. spring

dear star,  
after your funeral, I went to visit you often. I liked knowing you were with me when that blue butterfly was there. I know it's a cheesy gesture, but when I went out to the city one day and saw that ring, I got really excited. People would probably call it a waste of money, but I like to think that it's a way to remember you by. Did you like it? The ring? I saw the star gem and I flipped my lid. You should've seen it! I wish you could've been there. You would've been laughing at how crazy surprised I was. It reminded me of you, so I had to get it. I'm glad you were there when I brought it. I'm not going to stop visiting you, you know. Your ring is on your bedside table along with your other stuff you left with me. Your parents say we would've made great parents. Do you think so? I would've liked to do that; to raise a child with you. But we can be our happiest when we meet again someday. Until then, I am happy knowing I will see you again one day and that until that day, you are watching after me. I love you and that will never change. Like a river flows, our love will always live on. 

until we may one day see each other again, you know where to find me here in the hustle and bustle of New York City. 

From your dearest,   
Marco Ubaldo Diaz.


End file.
